So I was recently asked why did I want to start blogging. There is a very simple, short albeit vague response:
Why not organize my thoughts and share them with people that may or may not appreciate it?
Why not tell my story about how my life did a 180 after my husband got sick?
Why not tell my truth about how I’ve struggled my entire life with my weight, with self confidence, with exercise, with being a hispanic girl and not fitting in to the hispanic cultures standards of beauty?
It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had dark, dark days, especially in my pre-teen and teen years. My earliest memories are of family members commenting on my weight and how I would be so pretty if I just lost weight. I remember many nights crying myself to sleep because boys did not like me because I was ugly and fat. I struggled to fit in with other kids because I felt awkward and different. I cried a lot.
I wish no one, especially kids ever have to go through what I went through. However, the real world is cruel and many kids, especially little girls struggle with a lot of the same things I went through. If I can reach, even one of them and let them know it can get better, I’d call it an accomplished mission.
I’m doing this for my 2 young, impressionable daughters because they deserve all the confidence in the world. They don’t deserve to be told by anyone that certain career choices are not suited for them because of their weight or gender. They don’t need to hear that they will never get married because of their looks. No one has the right to say they shouldn’t play sports or do Martial Arts because that stuff is for boys.
I’m raising my girls to be little badasses who will not take shit from anyone. I’m raising them to know that they don’t need to get married unless they want to. They don’t need to have children unless they want to. I am trying to teach them that they are more than just their appearance. They are smart, funny, witty, inquisitive, thoughtful, caring, nurturing, determined, over the top. They also have good and beautiful souls that make them so special.
I still struggle with self confidence but I refuse to have them go through that feeling of self-loathing. I will probably always struggle with it because I’ve always struggled with it. 30+ years of struggles is hard to erase.
I’m hoping all of this will help me guide them and myself to self love and acceptance. My wish is that we put our mental, physical and emotional health first above anything else.
Even if my experiences don’t help anyone at all, I’m hoping it will help me to be a better person for them and for myself.
With love always,